I know it’s been a long time since the last time I wrote. Things have been crazy busy here. After returning to Rwanda in late August, after being in the states for a couple of weeks, I had to hit the ground running with work and other projects I’m apart of here.
As many of you may know I was in the states for a couple weeks in the beginning of August. I lost someone very dear to me. Uncle Gene was amazing person. He was so generous, loving, welcoming, encouraging, and full of life. I have never lost someone that close to me, and I took his passing a lot harder than I would’ve imagined. Uncle Gene, I love and miss you immensely. I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to grieve when I was home. As a person with a degree in counseling, I should know better, but at the time my major concern was being there both emotionally and physically for those in the immediate family. So, not really grieving and then coming back to Rwanda, after the school term had already begun 2 weeks prior, was hard. I was being pulled in so many directions here. Students wanted and needed my attention, the faculty at my school wanted me to get back into my teaching schedule, and then had many obligations from the NGO that I’m working with and helping to launch.
So, I thought to get back on track with blogging, I would start with something light, and humorous, so you can get a feel of what my days are like here.
Things I’m slowly becoming used to:
1.People using the title of this blog interchangeably in a conversation, usually with their finger wagging in your face, even though you are fully engaged in said conversation.
2. Men using the sidewalk, a ditch, a tree…anything, as their own private bathroom, and then looking at us passersby as we are the ones intruding on their privacy.
3. Sitting in a bus as women who are trying to get on will hand you all of their personal items. Their suitcase, purse, child, sacks of maize, huge thermoses of tea (or whatever they put in those things).
4. Same aforementioned woman, having her child lift up their shirt in search for food, while on the bus. That same “source” of nutrition falling onto your arm after the child has used it for all of its nutrients. Sidebar: if a child is big enough to sit up straight, lift up your shirt for food, and then throw it down after they have feasted, then I think it’s high time for this said child to be finding its food elsewhere. Not passing judgment…I’m just saying.
5. Seeing this same woman carry all of these things on her back, head, etc. walking up a 90 degree angle dirt hill, in high heels, at night. I have tried this, and it is no easy feat. Well, maybe you can exchange all of her possessions for my back pack, her heels for my flip flops, and night time for day…but still, it’s not easy.
6. Seeing men carry everything and I mean everything, on their heads for miles. I once saw a man carry an entire living room set (this includes sofa frame, two armchairs, and a coffee table) on his head…and I’m not exaggerating. Now if I don’t see someone carrying a queen sized bed frame, two nightstands, and a bureau, I might consider them lazy.
7. Being called and answering to the name Uwineza (my Kinyarwanda name, meaning one who does things well) at work or at the local store. Now when people call me Jacelyn in public, I get confused.
8. Using three different languages interchangeably (Kinyarwanda, French, English) in one conversation, just to get your point across. By the end of these two years I will be fluent in Kinyarfranglish.
9. Not traveling or pretty much doing anything, when it’s raining.
10. No one arriving or turning in assignments on time. I no longer get frustrated when I arrive to a meeting 2 hrs before anyone else does; I just shrug my shoulders and say T.I.A. (This Is Africa). However, as the American, you are expected to arrive on time to everything; and your assignments should be done efficiently and in a timely manner.
11. Going to a restaurant, ordering, and waiting at least an hour for your food to come. No bread offered to tide you over…you just wait. I’ve learned to never go to a restaurant hungry. Instead you go when you’re still a bit satisfied from your previous meal, because by the time your food actually arrives, then you’ll be hungry enough to eat it.
Things I probably will never get used to:
1. People staring at me. I’m not talking a quick, discreet once over out of the corner of your eye. I’m talking full on staring. To the point that you become self conscious, and give yourself the mental once over, wondering: is there a stain on my shirt? I just washed this thing the other day. Is there something wrong with my hair? Is there something in my teeth?
2. When people find out you speak “good” English and are African American, believing the rightful course of the conversation should veer toward them saying, “what’s up my n***a?!” Excuse me…what?!?! Just because I’m African American does not, I repeat, DOES NOT make it ok to say that to me. We don’t all speak like that. In fact, many of us find that term to be highly offensive.
3. Having to explain over and over again, that I come from America. So did my parents, and my parents’ parents, and so on. I’m sorry I can’t give you my direct lineage, and unlock the mystery to what African country my ancestors came from. Now I just say I’m Rwandan or Kenyan. In response they shout I knew it, and high five each other, like they just won some bet.
4. Answering questions about my religion (I hate that term). Typical conversation:
A: Uwineza, what religion do you practice in America?
B: I’m a Christian.
A: (eyes light up with excitement and recognition) So am I! So are you Catholic?
B: No, non-denominational.
A: (blank stare) So….that means you’re like Anglican?
B: No, non-denominational.
A: So…you’re like Episcopalian. (notice this is a statement, no longer a question)
B: No, non-de-nom-i-nat-ion-al.
A: Oh, I get it…you’re a Protestant.
B: NO…non-de-no (cut off by person C)
C: What are you talking about?
A: Oh, religion. Did you know Uwineza was a Protestant?
5. Meeting a man on the bus or in a store. We go through the standard greetings, they ask where I’m from and their eyes light up. So this man, who I just met 2 minutes ago, has professed his undying love for me. I roll my eyes, and sarcastically reply, I love you too buddy.
6. People here NOT understanding sarcasm.
7. Greeting someone EVERYTIME you see them. Not just a simple wave, but actually stopping and greeting them. Now in America, unless you were a friend family member or someone I hadn’t seen in a long time, I wouldn’t cross a major intersection with cars zooming by to greet you. I would just give you a slight wave, scream hey how are ya?!, over the roar of traffic, and keep it moving. Here in Rwanda, no matter if it’s just an acquaintance, you must stop, even if you just left the same place an hour ago. It’s deemed highly disrespectful if you don’t.
8. When inviting someone over to your house, you must offer them something to eat or drink. Not just a glass of water, which is typically all that I ever have in my house; but a Fanta, tea, coffee, and/or an alcoholic beverage. Hence why I hardly ever have anyone over besides Americans. Who has money for all that stuff?
9. When invited over to someone’s house, having to eat or drink something, anything. If you don’t it can translate to you not trusting them, and thinking maybe they are trying to poison you. I remember one time going to my host family’s house after eating a hefty lunch. They offered me a plate, full of starches; I couldn’t even imagine eating another bite of food. Their faces when I first turned the food down, was a look of disappointment…I felt horrible, so I had to eat. Needless to say, I had to be rolled home. Once you eat one plate, they just slop on more food, saying you don’t eat enough.
10. You’re invited over to a friend’s house. You’ve learned your lesson from before, so you don’t eat anything before you head over for dinner at 6pm. You expect to be eating within the next hour or so. Not so. You clearly have to wait until the rest of the family is ready to eat, or the food is prepared. That means even if its 10 pm, if they are just sitting down to dinner, then so are you. (this is not an exaggeration…it’s happened)
Amahoro,
Uwineza (Jace)
